..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
