i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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