hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
