My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
too bad you live with your parents still
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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