I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Randomize
