A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
