Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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