Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
