Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
