his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
