i wish semen tasted like chocolate
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
