soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
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