i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Randomize
