I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
