even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
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