I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
