bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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