I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Randomize
