I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
