I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Ketchup is God's man juice
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
