She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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