real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
