He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
it glows. i had to have it.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
