If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
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