You don't have asthma, your pregnant
from now on my penis is your penis
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Why is there bacon in the couch?
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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