for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
