i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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