yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
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