I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
