I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
