just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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