yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
