I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
