Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
false alarm, still single
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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