Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
