and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
