So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
