He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
