Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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