Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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