take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Randomize
