Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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