i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
