So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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