Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
