party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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