Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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