I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I need to calm my uterus...
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
