She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
