Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
