I'm eating all of the evidence.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
