but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
