apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
