Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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